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| From | Message | Posted by kestutis
chesscomputer.net
4/16/2008
23:24:07
Play online chess |  Subject: Chess jokes
Message:
How about some jokes related to chess?
I found one that made me laugh outloud:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
| Posted by chessnovice
chesscomputer.net
4/17/2008
03:10:18
Play online chess | always been my favorite
Message:
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
| Posted by taufiq
chesscomputer.net
4/17/2008
04:37:56
Play online chess | ...
Message:
A chess master died at his chessboard - and after a few days, a good friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are chess tournaments with incredible classical, rapids and blitz sessions going on all the time 24/7 with Morphy, Stenitz, Pillsbury, Dr. Lasker, Capablanca, Alekhine, Dr. Euwe, Botvinnik, Bronstein, Tal, Petrosian, they're all here, and you can play any one of them at anytime."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "so what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
———
Chess: The patience of Anand — The world chess champion might have rushed his attack, but his gradual squeeze gave him the upper hand. Ponomariov-Anand, Wijk aan Zee 2011. White has just played 1 Qc6-c8. How should Black reply? We rejoin the game from last week, but a few moves further on. Anand has improved his position, notably on the kingside, and remains in control. How can he make further progress? RB: Last week it occurred to me that Ponomariov's queen looked locked in on the queenside, but I couldn't see a way to trap it. Some moves further along, the idea seems even more attractive. What happens if I play 1...Rf8...? Hmm, White has ...
Posted by akisame
chesscomputer.net
4/17/2008
06:03:45
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
Beating your friend at chess - fun.
Beating Chewbacca at chess - wookie mistake.
———
Chess Puzzles: King Tut in Studies — Last week we invoked memories of King Tut, presenting two chess compositions in which the black king is mated, surrounded by eight black pawns. You can find the solutions at the end of this column. This week we present a slightly different "King Tut motif. " Entombing the king in chess studies is usually done at the edge of the chessboard and often leads to spectacular stalemates. It can save draws in tournament games. Puzzle #1: A simple king tomb was created by the Austrian chess master, theoretician and writer Johann Berger in his important work on endgames, Theorie un Praxis der Endspiele, published in 1890. Johann Berger White draws
Posted by akisame
chesscomputer.net
4/17/2008
06:22:07
Play online chess | . . .
Message:
A seaside town was hosting a world caliber chess tournament. Two days into the tournament, one of the competitors, finished with his game, decides to go for a swim. After a few minutes, he is heard crying out; it is discovered that a shark has taken a bite out of his leg. Everyone is alarmed, but assurances are given that the shark will be found, and it was after all small bite.
The next day another tournament player goes swimming, and his leg also has a bite taken out of it. Same thing the third day. Strangely, though there are other people at the beach, it is only the chess players that are being nibbled.
In an effort to assure the public and keep the tournament from collapsing, a strong net is placed around the beach and the queen is asked if she can intervene. "It is well known that you play chess, your Majesty. There is a protective net up now, and if you can swim safely, then the players will be reassured and the people can feel comfortable on our beaches again. The queen agrees, and goes for a quick swim. She has been out for only a minute when she yelps. She is quickly pulled out of the water, and her leg inspected. Lo and behold, another shark bite. This time however, it appears the shark dd not remove any flesh. The public is told tha queen has emerged in one piece.
The tabloids cannot resist the story.
The next day's headlines read "Queen's gam bit, declined."
———
For One Teenage Chess Champion, Moscow Is a Charmed City — Le Quang Liem startled the chess world last year when he won the top section of the prestigious Aeroflot Open in Moscow. He was 18 and had just entered the top 100. The victory earned Le Quang an invitation to the Sparkassen Chess Meeting tournament in Dortmund, Germany. There he showed that his performance in Moscow had not been a fluke by finishing second. By September, he was ranked No. 41 in the world. His fall came just as quickly, first at the Chess Olympiad in Khanty-Mansiysk, Russia, where he struggled, and then at the Asian Games in Guangzhou, China, where he lost all but one of his games. Le Quang, who is from Vietnam, began 2011 ranked No. 79. Last week, ...
Posted by ionadowman
chesscomputer.net
4/17/2008
13:49:09
Play online chess | The rivalry...
Message:
... between Aleksandr Alekhine and Efim Bogoljobov was as intense as any the chessboard had seen, and the vitriol was never far from the surface. Finally, in exasperation, Alekhine told this story:
"Last night, I had a dream... I dreamed I had died, and was wafted to the gates of heaven. There I stood at the Pearly Gates accosted by St Peter, who asked my who I was.
Says I, 'I am Aleksandr Aleksandrovitch Alekhine, Chess Champion of the World!'
'Chess Champion!" says St Peter, "We don't allow chess players to enter the Kingdom of Heaven! To the nether place you must go!'
Well, feeling disconsolate, I was about to turn away, when who should drift by but Bogoljobov, complete with angel wings and halo, plinking a harp and floating on a cloud.
'Hang on a moment!" says I, "What about Bogoljubov here? He's a chess player and you let him in!'
'Bogojubov a chess player?" quoth the Saintly Doorkeeper,
'Nah! He just thinks he is!' "
Cheers,
Ion
———
Le Quang Liem produces second shock win at Moscow Aeroflot — Moscow Aeroflot is the strongest and most fiercely competitive open chess tournament in the world, with a €20,000 first prize and nearly 50 entrants rated above 2600, the level of a high-class grandmaster. So it was remarkable that the winner in this week's Aeroflot 2011 should be the same Vietnamese teenager who scored a shock victory there in 2010. Last year Le Quang Liem won Aeroflot at 18, finished second in an elite chess event at Dortmund ahead of the former world chess champion Vlad Kramnik and soared up the world rankings. Le's hot streak then subsided until the second half of Tata Steel Wijk aan Zee last month, where he almost caught Luke McShane at the post. Now he ...
Posted by tag1153
chesscomputer.net
4/18/2008
08:43:42
Play online chess | as told by Capablanca
Message:
"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."
"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"
"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."
"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."
"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."
About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"
"Why, we killed him, of course."
———
Ugandan girl, Phiona Mutesi leads chess revolution from the slums — Despite background the 15-year-old girl is already country's number two chess player and has competed at World Chess Olympiad. In a rickety church in a Ugandan slum, a girl's hand thrusts forward and a black bishop falls. The girl shows no emotion, though she knows the end is near. Striking quickly, silently, the black queen is toppled, and then the king. Only then does she smile. "You attacked too much," she tells the boy sitting opposite her on the wooden bench, a homemade board between them. Phiona Mutesi is 15. She has just finished primary school and is still learning to read. Her family is so poor they have been evicted from tiny, rented shacks more times than she ...
Posted by caro-kann
chesscomputer.net
4/23/2008
03:28:11
Play online chess | A horrible joke ;)
Message:
One weekend, a major chess tournament was held between lots of players. Each player played 4 games against everyone else in their group, then the winners of each group would do the same against each other. In the final match, the winner easily defeated the loser 4-0. However, this sort of tournament takes a long time, and goes from morning to afternoon. Lunch is served between games.
The press come in to congratulate the winner and to interview him. The first few questions go along swimmingly, however, the next question is not fully heard. The winner's reply is though :
I started out with two Fried Livers - really robust, strong openers - even I was surprised at my own audacity to try it. In the middle, I had a nice King's Indian - every piece complemented each other thorougly, with lots of depth in the preparation - a true flash of brilliance. To finish it off, I decided on the Danish. It was an interesting thing - the many layers and discoveries that were made. It was a sweet ending.
To answer your question, I thoroughly enjoyed that particular lunch.
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